'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
