I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
