I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
