Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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