just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
