your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize