I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just forgot I was standing up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
