I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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