Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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