..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
