Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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