I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
