Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize