Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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