There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
