In the future we'll all be gay
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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