You really coming over, don't trick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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