she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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