Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
