You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
