My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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