Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
