i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize