butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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