Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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