I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
