Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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