The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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