I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
