I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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