i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
