last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i out mim tonsoeep
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