someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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