I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize