Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
