I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
