hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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