Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
