Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize