It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
