u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize