dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
