Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
