All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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