I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
