u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
