We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
