He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize