Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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