Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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