Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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