4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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