She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
