I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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