Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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