I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Be still, my beating vagina.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize