What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we're so committed to being not committed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
