Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
