I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
