it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
