By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
