I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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