Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He better not be in your backpack
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
