i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
