you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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