too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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