just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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