Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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