plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize