You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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