I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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