Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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