Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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