god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
