I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
