So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
