I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
