This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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