there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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