i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
