I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
