sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
