I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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