I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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