she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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