oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize