I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
