how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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