o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're a waste of cheezeits
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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