Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i think my cat just said my name.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
