my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
