shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
