Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
