New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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