Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
