She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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