and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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