and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
