boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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