theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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