My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
