Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
