Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
