I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
