she looked like the before picture.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
