The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
