My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
zippers are such a cool invention
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
