hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
