Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
