My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
