thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
