Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
